Life after Her Death

There is a sense you have nothing to lose after a major life catastrophe.

I have previously written about having a purpose to write.  Life experience has offered some funny situations  about which I’ve written and more serious events.  I thought there would be just a period of relief after last school year and a tornado hit our farm in February.

Nothing compares or will measure up to the sudden death of my five-year-old daughter, Corrie.

While she lived, I always wrote about Corrie with the name Hannah, and prior to my last post, never shared her picture on my blog showing her face.

After Wednesday, May 27; everything changed when she was pronounced dead due to an undetected tumor. (Please do not ask me anymore about how she died.).

A lot happened in the five and a half years, since I gave birth to Corrie.  While I had been working on a memoir focused on my son’s autism and the connection with my childhood, her death changed everything. I said to always write with a purpose. Corrie also asked me, “Mommy, do you write about me?”

I was writing more about Corrie before she died. I wrote how lucky I was to have such a beautiful and intelligent daughter because she was advanced in her language and skills.

I taught eighth graders who struggled with step-by-step directions. Except for cleaning her room, Corrie did tasks in a practical way. She thought about the different steps as tasks. When it came to her room, she was a typical child. She rather take her time and avoid picking up her room at all.

Scared to lose a single memory, I journal as much as I can when my medicine does not put me to sleep.  I will have a word or more for a long time about Corrie.