Life’s experiences aren’t always easy when you raise a teen.
Add to that an autistic, ADHD teen, who has lost his sister before his tenth birthday, and whose dad battled colon cancer. Between dealing with his grief and mine and then the world, most of the time, I just want to stay home. There’s a lot of life and space on the farm itself, including a pool soon.
One of my favorite people at our school is the drama teacher. Anytime a teacher sees something in Hayes besides either behavior, the struggles that pair with his diagnosis, and can say something besides, “he’s nice”; has a lifetime of admiration from me. Our drama teacher, in my eyes, is district, state, and national teacher of the year.
She gets Hayes to do what she needs him to do. He follows stage directions, and she saw my son’s intelligence through the woods. She told me about how easily he memorized lines for a play last year.
It was then I thought about ways to redirect his loudness and distraction, which often come out of his grief, into drama.
Many saw my daughter as the perfect child, so other than the health issues she faced during autumn and winter with pneumonia, I didn’t worry about her as much. Corrie had the adoration of the world. Of course, Corrie always had my love and adoration in equal measure, but I always felt Hayes would need me as a parent, friend, cheerleader, and guide when others might judge him and say cruel things.
This summer, Hayes:
~ went plant shopping for the first time and discovered succulents,
~ selected a butterfly shrub for his first garden,
~ does the weed eating on a regular basis,
~ helps his dad in setting up the pool,
~ and requested to direct and shoot one of my TikTok gardening videos.
I had to brag about him because he is my life’s blood, pride and greatest joy. He is the anchor which still keeps me on the earth. So today, I share our “Hummingbird Mailbox Cover” video.
The video, if you can see it because it has the Kenny Chesney version of “Please Come to Boston,” is my favorite to date because I saw something that is missing in major areas of my life.
Brought My Smile Back
My previous eighth grade students–during the past four years–act surprised when I smile. It never occurred to me how rare it is. I will use my sense of humor, but my real smile from the soul is rarely viewed. I saw it for myself in this video because my son–my absolute joy–was with me.
I don’t know what visually can reflect more love and joy in a moment when I look at my boy.
Number 1 Fan
I was a voice major at my first college during undergraduate. I sang all the time, and trained to become better. While I stopped singing for many years after college, Corrie got me to sing again. When she graduated to heaven, I stopped singing at all.
I never stopped loving music. Each choice in most of videos has a deeper meaning than “let’s catch their attention” or “have something in the background.” I needed something that said, “You’re the happiest at home,” and you “love your son” more than anything.
"Boston ain't your kinda town. There ain't no gold, and there ain't nobody like me. I'm the number one fan of the man from Tennessee."
Before anyone tells me, “You know he didn’t originally write this song.” I know Dave Loggins did, and Kenny Chesney–(love his old stuff)–barely writes his own songs, anyways.
But I chose the Kenny Chesney version because the emotion with which he performed expresses the outpouring of love I have for Hayes and John, my boys. It says, to me, no matter what, we’re coming home where we can be ourselves. We can be the most unadorned version of ourselves without worry about what anyone says or judgement we might face in other circumstances.
"Of all the dreams I've lost and found
and of all that I ain't got, I need
somebody I can cling to
somebody I can sing to."
Off of my medication (meant for subtle laughter), this song makes me cry a little. You hear every emotion in his voice.
So to my ramblin' boys, the one who hasn't settle down and the one who has, I say ...
Thank you from your number one fan.
Corrie's Season 