children, Life, parenting, Photography, Photos, Writing

When I See Corrie on Vacation (with short poetry excerpt and photos)

Corrie's Mom
poetry excerpt

One of the toughest things to do for any person who has ever lost someone they love is to go somewhere and take a picture.

Our loved one is not in the picture. How will the world continue to know about this wonderful person? The world keeps going, and we’re so small.

Yet, that person fills the space of all the galaxies of the universe within us.

This is how I feel about Corrie.

Emotions hit me hard last night as we walked through an amusement park where we’d taken the kids year before mostly during Hayes’s birthday. I saw Corrie everywhere.

It was fine at first, I saw flowers.  She’d spot them if she wasn’t distracted by all the rides.

On vacation, I took pictures of the places where I saw Corrie in spirit.

On our first day, I went to get coffee in a cafe. A lone bear sat on top of an empty shelf. I saw Corrie.
Flowers surrounded most of the rides. I had not noticed these in prior years, and it is easy to get distracted by all the lights. I always see Corrie in the flowers.
My husband, John, pulled out a hush puppy from our favorite restaurant where we go every year in Calabash. He said, “Look, Corrie.”
I lost it and went to cry on a bench when we passed this ride because I remember that day last year so clearly in my head.
Corrie and I last year in Calabash.

I know as people read they will offer hugs and prayers because I did lose it as we walked through the amusement park. I sat on a bench and a song about “the best girl in the world” for someone came on, and I cried again.

I did not care who saw because it is part of the grief. I don’t think it will ever go away, but I rather see her than not at all.

There were more times on vacation where I saw her and laughed, especially when we went to Calabash. That is part of Corrie’s spirit. She rather I laugh than cry. So instead of having pictures of three family members instead of four, I took photos of the places and things where I saw her.

I also write poems and began thinking in terms of a series within my collection, “When We Danced in the Rain.” This includes two sections inspired by our time at the ocean called “Mermaids” and “Calabash.”

Last night, I dreamed I walked outside and saw giant sunflowers in the field behind our house. I woke and realized Corrie had sent me a message. She wants me to keep finding beauty, her beauty, peace and laughter in the world.

By Rebecca T. Dickinson Copyright 2020 R.T. Dickinson. All rights reserved.

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Published by Corrie's Mom

They say teacher turn over is high right now, and many teachers will leave the profession in five years or less. I will enter my seventh year as a full-time teacher, and my 12th year in education after I'd started as a sub and teacher assistant. I was the student in the 1990s you did not want in your classroom because I was diagnosed with ADHD and did not know how to socialize with other kids. I was due to be tested for autism, but this was considered an ostracizing experience for a child then, especially a girl. I am a third generation teacher and author of seventeen creative works.

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