Mommy, I Need to Water the Flowers

The work ahead of my family seems heavier than a load anyone wants to lift.

It’s a load my students this year would say, “This is too much work.” It’s the type of work previous students would say, “You doin’ too much.” 

Sometimes I think my past traumatic experiences are taken lightly. But, those ordeals made it bearable for me to walk through my family’s darkest days.  Last year, I sunk into nightmares from my previous professional experience. Those nightmares were replaced by a new one no one ever wants to encounter.

I always say, “I’m stronger than I look.” I have wondered why storms and hurricanes swirl around us so often.  The loss of my five-and-a-half-year-old daughter is a journey I never wanted to take. 

Some mornings I wake up, and I want to stay there. I think she’ll walk through the door, and ask me for apple sauce for breakfast. 

Then you realize she’s not coming back.  You slowly understand the only time  you’ll hear her voice again is on the videos you’ve taken of her.  

The work ahead of my family is heavy.

My husband, John, came up with the idea to plant a garden in Corrie’s memory.  This is a great idea, but to do it, we have challenges ahead to overcome before we even root the plants so kindly given to us during Corrie’s funeral. Currently, as you’ll see in pictures, the plants are being cared for daily before we put them in the garden. 

A tornado hit our house in February. The renovation work John had started took a back seat to the repairs and work needed outside from February to now.

While we have cleared a lot of the scrap metal and debris in our yard, the tornado destroyed our barn.  Our tractor, one of the tools we will need, is still buried under the rubble.

John and I will work to get the tractor out, but it will take time.

The area to the side of our house might seem like a practical place to put the garden because it has some flatter areas, but we have a family that still uses the field for their hay.

Where this tree currently is located, is where we plan to put a retaining wall. 

Before we replant the flowers and other plants given to us for Corrie’s garden, we have to remove the trees and sticks from the area. This requires heavier farm equipment, like the tractor stuck in the barn. There isn’t an Amazon Prime service coming to deliver and do it for us.  

Then we will need to build a retaining wall, so that rain will not wash away the soil or plants in the garden. John already has a place in mind from where to get the materials for the retaining wall. 

When you look at the above picture, you see the area where we will plant the garden. Only after we’re able to remove the debris, build the retaining wall, and put down soil; can we plant the garden.

This picture shows a view from the front of the yard where we plan to put the garden.

Flowers given for Corrie’s garden have been cared for in coordination with my father and sister-in-law. My father said John and I would not care for them in our grief. My brown thumb went out this morning and watered the flowers.

We chose to do a garden for Corrie because she loved flowers and plants. I used to get on her about picking flowers that her grandmother had planted, so they could grow again. She filled up a water bucket to water the plants even after the rain. 

I said, “Corrie, come inside. It was just raining.” 

Stubbornly, she stuck out her lower lip and said, “But, mommy, I need to water the flowers.” 

My father always wanted to be a landscape architect.  He labored for years in the misery of insurance.  He said Corrie came to him in a dream, and he drew out a butterfly garden design.

Corrie picked flowers from the field after John mowed walking paths around the property.  She did not care what kind of flowers they were. She brought the same kind to me and sometimes she brought a mix. There were times I left them on the front porch. I wish I had not. 

Not long after she died, I picked flowers in the field on my walks and talks with Corrie. She used an old coffee cup in which she put flowers.  I used the same one for the flowers I picked.

When I picked one flower after the funeral, it had two flower heads growing out of the same stem. 

Corrie would’ve loved the display of flowers with her at the center of attention.

I expected to pick out a dress for Corrie’s college graduation. I expected to pay for her college. Not her casket or the flowers. The flowers were pink and beautiful.

These were flowers that grow from a bush on the side of our house planted by John’s mother. They bloomed the week Corrie died.

The mountain laurel flowers bloomed while Corrie still lived. She picked from this plant this year and last year. I told her to leave the flowers alone, so they’d grow next year.

These bloomed in April.

A rosebush was brought from John’s grandmother’s house and replanted here.

Corrie adored being outside whether she played or watered the flowers.

After the tornado, I asked John if we could save our dogwood tree.

Trees all over our land were uprooted when the tornado came through, but our house still stood.

Corrie as a princess at her last birthday party in December 2019.